10 Simple Rules for Dating my Sons
Eric did publish rules to date his daughter. Since I'm blessed (or was the word cursed?) with sons only, I had to put up the rules for dating them. While it is still a bit early for them to enter the mating-and-dating game, I think knowing the rules well in advance helps a lot.
Preface
We are a modern family. We live in the 21st century. We like self-confident people. We like people who's every day face shows a radiant smile. We pity people who think they need to follow certain patterns instead of being themselves. We like the open minded, cheerful, passionate and authentic being. Human or extra-terrestrial doesn't matter to us.
So if you like one of my boys, make the first move!
Rule 1
It is totally OK if you come and pick up one of my boys. You earn bonus points if you do so in your mom's (or dad's) Ferrari. Don't drive an SUV, unless you invite him to a true off-road adventure.
Rule 2
They are twins. So make sure you try them both and provide an adequate friend for the other one. It doesn't harm to bring your older sister (or young mom) to entertain me.
Rule 3
We are a very cosy family. If you want to hug and kiss they boys in front of me, feel free to do so. However the house rules require that you hug and kiss me too.
Rule 4
If you want to stay over night, that is OK with us. Make sure you stick with the house rules: only very light dresses. Silk Spaghetti tops are en vogue right now. If you are not sure what to wear, you can ask me for a lingerie allowance and I'll go shopping with you.
Rule 5
The current belly free fashion requires, that you have something to show. So make sure that you spend sufficient time in the gym to have a well toned body.
Rule 6
If your only "asset" is a beautiful shape: stay away from my boys! We only accept bright girls with excellent career opportunities. You eventually will be required to finance my son's adventure-seeker and artist lifestyle. In return they would accept to become stay-home-dads (as long as you are easy on the definition of "home" which includes the Tamaraset dessert, all the beautiful beaches and various night spots).
Rule 7
We will test your literacy and education: Being able to recite the verses of the Kamasutra and Casanova's adventures will increase your chance for a date. If you are into Yoga, please update your skills to include the Tantric positions. We also will test your capabilities as entertainer: Are you able to invent new activities and are you up-to-date with exhibitions and performing arts? We will conduct a naked-body-paint contest with you.
When you book cinema tickets make sure, that you get the double seats without the armrest in-between.
Rule 8
Make sure that you keep his attention with little presents and deep devotion. Be knowledgeable in the art of seduction and show off your skills in preparing love meals. If you are older than him, teach him the art of Tantric love. If you are substantially older, bigger presents are appropriate. A breakfast at Tiffanies (1st class flight please) or a trip to the Himalayas would be appropriate.
Rule 9
Before getting physical, get a check-up. I will review the doctors verdict. As long as you date my boys you stick to them. You are free to include some of your female friends, if they pass the medical exam. You will take care of contraception. So keep a stock of condoms and practise how to apply them.
Rule 10
My boys are sensitive and proud. When you chitchat with your friends about them (we know that you do that!) anything but praise is strictly forbidden. Show that they are like gods to you.
They will treat you like a goddess in return!
Preface
We are a modern family. We live in the 21st century. We like self-confident people. We like people who's every day face shows a radiant smile. We pity people who think they need to follow certain patterns instead of being themselves. We like the open minded, cheerful, passionate and authentic being. Human or extra-terrestrial doesn't matter to us.
So if you like one of my boys, make the first move!
Rule 1
It is totally OK if you come and pick up one of my boys. You earn bonus points if you do so in your mom's (or dad's) Ferrari. Don't drive an SUV, unless you invite him to a true off-road adventure.
Rule 2
They are twins. So make sure you try them both and provide an adequate friend for the other one. It doesn't harm to bring your older sister (or young mom) to entertain me.
Rule 3
We are a very cosy family. If you want to hug and kiss they boys in front of me, feel free to do so. However the house rules require that you hug and kiss me too.
Rule 4
If you want to stay over night, that is OK with us. Make sure you stick with the house rules: only very light dresses. Silk Spaghetti tops are en vogue right now. If you are not sure what to wear, you can ask me for a lingerie allowance and I'll go shopping with you.
Rule 5
The current belly free fashion requires, that you have something to show. So make sure that you spend sufficient time in the gym to have a well toned body.
Rule 6
If your only "asset" is a beautiful shape: stay away from my boys! We only accept bright girls with excellent career opportunities. You eventually will be required to finance my son's adventure-seeker and artist lifestyle. In return they would accept to become stay-home-dads (as long as you are easy on the definition of "home" which includes the Tamaraset dessert, all the beautiful beaches and various night spots).
Rule 7
We will test your literacy and education: Being able to recite the verses of the Kamasutra and Casanova's adventures will increase your chance for a date. If you are into Yoga, please update your skills to include the Tantric positions. We also will test your capabilities as entertainer: Are you able to invent new activities and are you up-to-date with exhibitions and performing arts? We will conduct a naked-body-paint contest with you.
When you book cinema tickets make sure, that you get the double seats without the armrest in-between.
Rule 8
Make sure that you keep his attention with little presents and deep devotion. Be knowledgeable in the art of seduction and show off your skills in preparing love meals. If you are older than him, teach him the art of Tantric love. If you are substantially older, bigger presents are appropriate. A breakfast at Tiffanies (1st class flight please) or a trip to the Himalayas would be appropriate.
Rule 9
Before getting physical, get a check-up. I will review the doctors verdict. As long as you date my boys you stick to them. You are free to include some of your female friends, if they pass the medical exam. You will take care of contraception. So keep a stock of condoms and practise how to apply them.
Rule 10
My boys are sensitive and proud. When you chitchat with your friends about them (we know that you do that!) anything but praise is strictly forbidden. Show that they are like gods to you.
They will treat you like a goddess in return!
Posted by Stephan H Wissel on 15 August 2004 | Comments (2) | categories: Twins
